Stacie Sherman

Here’s a piece of advice for my fellow exhausted caregivers: don’t let it consume you. Acknowledge the stress, plan an hour or two or a whole day of stress-free living for yourself, and then look forward to losing yourself in it.

I get a break from caretaking every other weekend when my daughter spends time with her dad and his family a state away. And on the weekends that my daughter is home with us, I usually arrange for a caregiver to give me some respite, at least a day, more if possible. I do this not because I don’t want to spend time with my daughter. I do this because I need to spend some time without her. I am the best mother I can be when I feel good about myself. I have more energy, more patience.

Trust me, she doesn’t miss me at all. She loves spending time with her caregiver. I only have one caregiver, she is a godsend who has been caring for Brielle since she was a little girl. Whatever time she has to take Brielle, I snap it up like the last piece of chocolate in a bowl.

My weekend time without Brielle is spent doing the necessary chores — laundry, bills, etc. But it’s also spent treating myself to a manicure or a haircut, attempting to catch up on my sleep, visiting the gym I rarely visit, eating and drinking way too much with friends, and enjoying quality time with my husband, who deserves to know a me that isn’t all focused on Brielle.

I am anticipating the pushback of not having the time or money. Here’s my response to that: find some. Make it a top priority. Make YOURSELF a top priority, for you and for your kid. Do the research, find the agency in your town or the teacher in your kid’s school that will help you. Or ask a friend or a relative for an hour of their time. You need it. Don’t give excuses. Just say yes, you can do it. You can figure it out, you are a warrior.

I know this is easier said than done, and I don’t always follow my own advice. But when I do, we are all for the better.

One thing my husband and I have really been enjoying during our quality time is exploring the many parks and trails around our home in a rural slice of New Jersey. Last weekend we discovered a 4-mile round trip trail. As we walked, not a word was spoken. Both of us are huge readers, and we like to listen to our books during our walks. Occasionally my husband would point at a sign or an animal or a beautiful scene, or I would grab his hand and squeeze it. But for the most part, peace and quiet consumed us. We were separate in our thoughts but together in our purpose.

Also during our weekend we spent some quality time with my son, taking him to a comedy show and a fancy dinner in Atlantic City.

By the time Brielle came home the next afternoon (yes we indulge in sleepovers too!) the house was clean, the laundry was folded, the bills were paid. I was rested and ready. Bree entered the house and began her nightly ritual of demanding pasta and drinks. I followed her up and down the stairs to check on her or tickle her. We went for our nightly walk, returned to a bath and more snacks, and prepared for the week ahead.