Stacie Sherman

Bumps in the winding road. The next chapter begins. It’s the first few chapters of the next book, and it’s fitting. Our lives face a critical stage.

For awhile we were on a fun trip, riding a naïve wave that the toughest parts were behind us. But every time we think we have survived the hardest part, we encounter a rude awakening.

Our autism path took us through the early years, the school years and even the transition to adult years. The potty training, the all-night wakings, the tantrums, the communication struggles, puberty, the medication dance.

We did it, and we emerged stronger and better, with many lessons learned and smiles on our faces.

Now we plan for the future. That means facing life for my child after I am no longer here to plan and oversee every move, every decision. That means taking steps now that I might not want to take, but which I know I have to.

Of all the decisions I have made for her, none are more important than these next few big ones.

Brielle will never be independent. She needs a primary caregiver forever. That’s me. But I won’t live forever.

I don’t want her to be pulled out of my home suddenly if I die. I don’t want her thrown into a setting that I have not chosen. I want to make sure I leave her in the best way possible.

Slowly, surely, I have begun the many steps of getting Brielle into residential placement.

I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. Residential placement is a long and complicated process. In my head, I figured it would take several years. But sometimes, you ask for help, thinking your chances are slim or your timeline is long, and your wish is miraculously granted.

It’s like you’re on a slow and steady path to some destination, thinking you have some general sense of how you’re getting there and how long it will take. Suddenly there’s a detour that takes you on a bunch of strange back roads, and you find yourself at your destination days or weeks ahead of schedule.

You have no idea how you got there. And as good as it is to get there early, you are completely unprepared. I am completely unprepared.

So here we are, and the long road to residential placement is looking a bit shorter than it did a few months ago. Is this good news or bad? The answer is both.

It’s great that we can move forward after years of standing still. But it’s bad because I am in no way mentally ready for the next big step. I’m barely mentally ready to discuss this, in person or here on my blog.

My conversations with family and close friends have been short. This happened, nothing is happening tomorrow or next week, I’ve got a lot to think about and decide. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. You will be hearing more about this in the months to come. Prepare for a bumpy road ahead.

I will get there. Not today.