Category: death

  • April Rains

    April Rains

    Autism consumes us, so much so that when non-autism trauma happens in our lives, it throws us. It pushes us to the very edge of our sanity. I haven’t written in a while, but I knew April was coming. I pledged I would write every day in April, as I have done in the past.…

  • Mountain out of a mole

    Mountain out of a mole

    I knew they were right, but that didn’t stop the torrent of emotions.

  • A Never-Ending Anxiety Attack

    A Never-Ending Anxiety Attack

    Acknowledging my inevitable mortality was the first step. Planning for her life after my life is no easy task. We are on a waiting list for residential care. I want that care to be in place before I die.

  • Cherished Moments

    Cherished Moments

    My life as an autism mama consists of not enough sleep, a lot of cleaning and cooking, some anxiety drugs and an occasional glass of wine or vodka/club.  From time to time it includes tantrums, screaming, middle-of-the-night awakenings. It is what it is. I can’t imagine it any other way. Because it also includes love and laughter, hugs and…

  • One Word

    When I started this blog, I promised myself that every time I wrote, I would be painfully honest with my readers and with myself. That even though I am an editor for a living, I would present the unedited version of my life. As Mother’s Day approaches, I write this to force myself to stop and…

  • The Last Word

    Whenever I pick up a newspaper, one of the first sections I always turn to is the obituaries. It sounds morbid, I know, but it’s so much more than that. Back in my college journalism class so many years ago, one of our first assignments was writing obituaries. I learned an important lesson then, that I…

  • My Bittersweet Birthday

    I turn 42 today. That’s the age I’ve been dreading for as long as I can remember. When I allow myself to think about it, as I force myself to do now, the reality of it makes my hands shake, takes my breath away. Here I am, the same age my mother was when she…