This week I released my first book. In doing so, I opened my diary and shared it with the world.
What prompted me to do such a crazy thing? That is a very good question. And it is an important one, because it is about something that has become more common in the workplace: sharing our truths.
How can we expect our employers and colleagues to understand our work-life balance if they only know the work side of our equation?
For many years, I kept my work life and personal life separate. When I was at work, I was at work. If I had to leave early for a personal reason, I sent my boss a quick and undetailed email and then quietly snuck out of the building. Colleagues knew I had two kids, and I’ve sure many knew my kids were on the autism spectrum. I am a walking awareness symbol. The lanyard around my neck that holds my work badge is decorated in bright puzzle pieces that are the symbol for autism awareness. Every April, I wear a bright blue shirt to work to honor World Autism Awareness Day. And every October I help organize a large group of employees to volunteer at an annual 5K fundraiser for my daughter’s school.
Even so, nobody at work had any idea what my “real life” was like. They had no idea that I had a severely mentally disabled daughter who needed help dressing and brushing her teeth, who could not be left alone even for a minute. I did not share many details. That was my choice. What my company did know, they were very understanding about. That’s one of the top reasons I’ve been with the same company for 27 years.
When I was at work, I tried to keep the personal calls, emails, worries and frustrations to a minimum. I did not want to be judged. I did not want to appear weak or overwhelmed. But now that my kids are adults, now that I am sharing it all, I can tell you that life was pretty rough. Pretending to have it all together when you are so far from having it all together is exhausting and stressful.
Looking back, I do not know how any autism mama does it full time. I know I could not have done it. Work was my sanity, it gave me a break from everything at home – the doctor’s appointments, the therapies, the school meetings, the entertaining of my highly active kids. Somehow, I survived many years as their parent, including a few as a single mother. And then Covid hit. And everything I thought I knew, every feat I thought I had mastered, went out the window. I struggled to figure out how to work from home, keep my full-time crazy career, and deal with two special children at home full time with me for many months. I will not go into more detail here, but if you want to learn more, check out my book.
Post Covid, there has thankfully been a focus on work-life balance. And I have seen more personal posts on LinkedIn for a big reason: We are not robots. We are people with feelings, thoughts, and experiences that many could benefit from if we shared them. People do not want you to just tell them something; they want you to show them something.
I thought long and hard about whether to share my story. And I decided that I wanted to set an example for other working mothers, especially those with special-needs children. Work-life balance is tough but possible. Many of the qualities that make us super parents — patience, strength, organization, multitasking, energy — are the same qualities that make us super employees. The more we share our truths, the more normal – whatever that term means – and accepted they become.
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